Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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