Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
