Umm I'm too high to move.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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