Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
