K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
