The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
