we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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