We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
