Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
