$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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