She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
