Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
