It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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