my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
