so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My vagina is very pro this idea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
