I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
