I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
