All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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