in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize