Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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