he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
