The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
