matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
