It's Friday. Sex?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
