there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
