just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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