hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dear god my vagina.
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