Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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