It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
