I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
