just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
