You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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