You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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