i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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