she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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