I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
