sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
