"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
