watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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