A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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