she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
