I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
