after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
