Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize