Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
