I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize