She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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