I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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