can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
