nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I could fuck to npr.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
