We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
