once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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