Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
