It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
