What a fucking waste of an outfit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
