I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize