A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
