I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
