Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
