this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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