you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize