just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ladies don't puke and tell
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
