There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
