According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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