I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
