Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
