smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dicks are not precious.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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