You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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