Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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