I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize