I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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