The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
