We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
