"it" just moved
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
