is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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